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my latest musings...
because I'll want to remember...
8:01 p.m., 2004-07-28

some certainty
1:05 p.m., 2004-07-10

adding to the chaos
9:38 p.m., 2004-06-27

stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it...
10:04 p.m., 2004-06-09

more weddingy stuff
10:59 p.m., 2004-05-05

2001-07-12 :: 4:26 p.m. :: body

bodies. we all have them. few of us are pleased with them. my own relationship with my body has not always been the best... to say the least.

i had an eating disorder or two in high school, and screwed myself up pretty badly - physically and mentally. ended up in therapy over it.

in college, i worked in the cafeteria. not the smartest plan i ever had. my sister and i both had the same seemingly instinctive reaction when we left home: eat as much junk food as possible, since mom was so health-crazy growing up that we were never allowed to eat unhealthy stuff at home. logical result: weight gain.

since then, i've experimented with various diets and been successful, but always gained it back after the diet was over and i returned to normal patterns.

now: i actually like my body, even though i still have aspirations for being in better shape. i like the curves of my body. i like the things i can accomplish using my body. bottom line: a significantly healthier way to look at myself.

this is not to say that i still wouldn't like to lose some more weight. in fact, i am losing more weight now. but this time, i'm attempting to put less emphasis on the scales, and more emphasis on physical accomplishments: getting some form of exercise every day, running certain distances, lifting weights, etc.

for the curious: as of 7/03, I have lost - and kept off - about 30lb (over a period of about a year).

i will most likely use this page again for self-accountability once i get started at grad school and settle into a routine. stay posted.

devant :: apres